The end of 2013 is rushing in, where has the year gone; where have all of them gone? May you all be blessed in the coming year and throughout 2014.
With the coming of “another” year, I have spent some time reflecting on the many years that have passed. There are times when memories come and go; they are always there waiting for me to recall and I do wonder if the day will come when I will remember them at all?
Just an old woman now, once a young girl with roads to travel; songs to sing, just a child not knowing what life would bring; all rainbow skies and starry nights, times of youth a place where imagination blinds the truth.
Traveled many roads scattered with heartache, no songs to sing, voice choked back, no future seen, existence never knowing what life will bring.
Memories of dreams and hopes put aside, dedication to family, doing the best one could, life ending in stagnant waters was not the dream, the intention, a life of hard work, worry, pain and dissension.
Time did not go quickly; existence hard to bear, and the burden heavy yet out of love, one continues to care. Poignant images clear; woven upon life’s tapestry was the face of fear.
Hiding, fearing truth and failure became a familiarity; life’s trepidation burned into the soul gave certain legitimacy, came the day when the mirror could not lie; it whispered keep going you have to try.
Thick black hair turned gray, skin furrowed with wrinkles never to go away; a face that always tried to smile disguised sadness from having to say too many goodbyes, life gone out of tired old eyes; a rutted road traveled where time was not kind; the bouquet of dreams finally wilted; time could not keep the dreams alive.
As years go by fear of approval subsides the mind absorbed no longer in the when, where or how, the mirror leaves but one image that of an old woman now…
Yet…
It has taken far too long to reach this place in life it seems. One waits to see what the next mile will bring.
The road walked is a long one at times and sometimes rocky too, but it is a place in time where dreams are mostly that of an old fool.
No longer is there a pressing need to set life’s goals, there little time left to change, and thoughts of new adventures and dreams now slowly grow. Just plans to accept the destiny of the aging years in a place one has carefully chose.
Though tossed and turned in life’s storms; one continues to look for a brighter dawn and no longer held back by unknown fears; every day is the first day of life in the aging years and hope to continue moving forward.
Be thankful for those years gone by and look forward to each day that is to come; face the challenge of each day with a hunger to live it fully and as if it is your last.
AJM 12.30.2013
ann johnson-murphree 