It is good that I cannot remember the day of
my birth, although since I have questioned why
I am on this earth; my mother did not want me
she wanted to be free. I understand the poverty
in which I arrived, I did not understand years later
when she told me she would have been happy if
I had died.
She told of not having even an aspirin for the pain,
and that she feared the future and afraid her life
would never be the same. Mother spoke of the old
iron bed with cornhusk mattress that stood on a
bare wooden floor. Of how they kept out the cold
with raw cotton from the nearby field stuffed into
the cracks of a homemade door.
Delivered by a neighboring mid-wife, weighing only
two pounds my mother told her to take me away saying, I
hope that she will be gone by the end of the day. I
have heard, that my father took me into his well-worn
hands, whispered to me, “Live, I know that you can”.
He placed me in a shoebox put me on the front seat
of his old pickup truck and carried me away. He would
not see me until my birthday, exactly two-years from
Left with a woman, that I until this day I think of her as
mother: I knew no other. She packed my clothes in a
clean cloth sack, she cried, but knew when I started
walking that my father would want me back. He looked
at my birth mother saying that I would never again go
away, she responded without feeling saying, it would
be him that took care of me if I stayed.
The years, they quickly flew by and she was never at
home, then the day came that she was finally gone.
When my father died, I recognized her but did not see
her cry. Me, I soon had children of my own and knew
what kind of mother I wanted to be, and unlike my own
mother, I always felt free.
I had not seen her for many years when I heard that she
had died, too late to feel a mothers touch, too late to
hear her say, “I love you so much.” I cried, but not for me,
I cried because at last my mother was set free.
Finally mother’s love…
In the stillness of the midnight hour veiled in angelic
glory my mother stood next to me. She touched my
face where there are always tears. She placed her arms
around me to take away my fears.
What are these thoughts you have my child, she said to
me with a mothers’ smile. Embrace my love let it take
away, your sorrows we are here for only a short while.
Be joyous of each tomorrow. Forgive me, seek life not
death; things are never as bad as they seem, cherish
your life…follow your dreams.
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